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Mon, 19 Jan 2004
Jan 19, 2004, 14:38
[top/cute_stories]
Church One Liners
Submitted by Chuck O’Keefe
1 Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited, until you try to
sit in their pews.
2 Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
3 It is easier to preach ten (10) sermons, than it is to live one.
4 The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose.
But, mosquitoes come close.
5 When you get to your wit’s end you’ll find God lives there.
6 People are funny… they want the front of the bus, the middle of the
road, and the back of the church.
7 Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door,
forever.
8 Quit griping about your church… if it was perfect you
couldn’t belong.
9 The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience…
“And in conclusion.”
10 If the church wants a better preacher it only needs to pray for the one
it has.
11 God, Himself, does not propose to judge a man until he is dead.
So why should you?
12 To make a long story short, don’t tell it.
13 Some minds are like concrete… thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
14 Peace starts with a smile.
15 I don’t know why some people change churches… what difference does it
make which one you stay home from?
16 A lot of church members who are singing “Standing on the Promises,” are
just sitting on the premises.
17 Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back, as
much as committees.
18 “Be ye fishers of men.” You catch them He’ll clean them.
19 Coincidence is, when God chooses to remain anonymous.
20 Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
21 God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called.
22 God grades on the cross, not the curve.
23 God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
24 The one who angers you, controls you!
25 If God is your Co-pilot… swap seats!
26 Prayer… don’t give God instructions just report for duty!
27 The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
28 The will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God
will not protect you.
29 We do not change the message… the message changes us.
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Mon, 01 Dec 2003
Dec 01, 2003, 14:38
[top/cute_stories]
The ‘W’ in Christmas
Author Unknown
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, was in kindergarten that year, and in his school’s “Winter Pageant.” Around the room during the day of rehearsals, I saw several other parents quietly seating themselves. As we waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross- legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.
Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as “Christmas,” I didn’t expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son’s class rose to sing, “Christmas Love,” I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.
Those children in the front row, center stage, held up large letters one by one. They were to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing “C is for Christmas,” a child would hold up the letter C. Then, “H is for Happy,” and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, “Christmas Love.”
The performance was going smoothly, until we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter “M” upside down - totally unaware her letter “M” appeared as a “W”. The student audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one’s mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her “W”.
Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised…then we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:
“CHRISTWAS LOVE”
He still is.
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Wed, 01 Oct 2003
Oct 01, 2003, 14:38
[top/cute_stories]
Things We Keep
I grew up in the fifties with practical parents— a mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in
it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it… A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.
Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, dish towel in the other.
It was the time for fixing things — a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress.
Things we keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful.
Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that clear summer’s night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any ‘more.’ Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away… never to return. So, while we have it, it’s best we love it, and care for it, and fix it when it’s broken, and heal it when it’s sick. This is true for marriage, and old cars, and children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents, and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away, or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special…..and so, we keep them close!
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Mon, 01 Sep 2003
Sep 01, 2003, 14:38
[top/cute_stories]
Cajun Ten Commandments
03-09
Pastor Lane should appreciate this:
The Ten Commandments in Cajun…
God is number one… and das’ All.
Don’t pray to nuttin’ or nobody… jus’ God.
Don’t cuss nobody… ‘specially da Good Lord.
When it be Sunday… pass yo’self by God’s House.
Yo mama an’ yo daddy dun did it all… lissen to dem.
Killin’ duck an’ fish, das’ OK… people - No!
God done give you a wife… sleep wit’ jus’ her.
Don’t take nobody’s boat… or nuttin’ else.
Don’t go wantin’ somebody’s stuff.
Stop lyin’… yo tongue gonna fall out yo mouf!
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Sep 01, 2003, 14:38
[top/cute_stories]
Why Go To Church
03-09
Author Unknown
Church - What is it good for?
A Church-goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.
?
“I’ve gone for 30 years now,” he wrote, “and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can’t remember a single one of them. So, I think I’m wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.”
This started a real controversy in the “Letters to the Editor” column, much to the delight of the editor.
It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher: I’ve been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals.
But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not cooked these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!”
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Sep 01, 2003, 14:38
[top/cute_stories]
Letter
03-09
I recently received this first hand from a friend of mine whom you may have met also - It’s a wonderful story of hope in a world of despair and a reminder of God’s willingness to touch people directly - ( I’ve experienced this myself recently, having challenged a skeptic to ask God to prove the truth of my assertions my friend had successive experiences of God dramatically answering ‘Yes - It’s the truth” - in bold and clear ways.) I hope this inspires you too.
Dan Marshall
Greetings Friends.
We greatly value your prayers and interest in our work here. Thanks so much for your part in Kingdom work in this needy land.
He could just as easily have been at our office to… well, one doesn’t really wish to rehearse what he might have been there for!
“Jed” had visited the office of The Bible Institute before to meet with our follow-up man, Ahmed, but it was the first time I met him. Jed has been trained in a neighboring country to the north in fighting “holy war. Hatred and violence inspired by religion have been his life. Last summer one of his three children died and this had a profound effect on his life. He became despondent and figured, why put up with this life? Why not go straight to Paradise? With this thinking he actually signed up to be on a suicide attack team. But then something drastically changed his life. No, not something, rather some One, for Jed had a dream. In this dream he was standing at a crossroads which he recognized from his childhood. In the middle of the intersection stood Jesus. He was beautifully illuminated. Jed immediately began asking questions of this Person. “Did you really die on the cross?” etc. Jesus did not answer, but instead gave Jed a big hug. Then, He said to Jed, “Do not kill. Do not lie. Take care of what’s entrusted to you. Don’t be cruel.” In the dream, Jed threw up something white and then he woke up.
Greatly disturbed by this dream, Jed told it to the religious leaders he knew and their uniform response was: “Repent! Say your prayers five times a day and God will forgive you!” Naturally, he found this advice unsatisfactory. He left being among these people and took up a job in a shop in the capital city. There he shared his dream with a fellow worker. “Don’t you dare tell that to anyone!” his friend said, “You’ll get in big trouble.” This only heightened his curiosity.
Then, somehow, Jed received a business reply card from the Bible Institute. He wrote detailing his dream and asking for guidance. Ahmed wrote back saying, You take this course and you will come to understand your dream. Jed began studying God’s Word and now he indeed understands.
He realizes that Jesus’ advice applied directly to his planned action: he intended to kill
he would have lied to his wife and children when he went to participate in a suicide mission
committing suicide would have been a failure to take care of the family entrusted to him
and it would be cruel to leave his children orphaned.
It struck me that the answer to his questions wasn’t arguments or even truth statements from the Author of Truth. Rather, Jesus gave him a hug, because the answer is not answers, the answer is a person
THE PERSON! May He be praised forever. We prayed together and Jed returned to his family where he continues to try to live out what he is learning from the Written Word about the Living Word.
Again, thanks for your prayers. God is at work. May He rescue many more Jeds from the path of destruction.
Sincerely,
(Name withheld)
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